I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
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