You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
