Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
