i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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