Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Randomize
