I cannot find my penis.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
