I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
