i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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