she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
