and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize