worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
