yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
be right there i have to get my cape
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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