I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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