obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
