I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
