when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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