I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize