I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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