Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
She told me I should be a condom model.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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