woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I lost the right to judge tonight
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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