i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
