evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
