Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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