I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
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