There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
