Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
