quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
