If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
