You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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