She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
