Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
