i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
My vagina just clenched in fear
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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