I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
