If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
