I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
