No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
