just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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