i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
