Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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