I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
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