If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
try to milk me bitch
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
