Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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