my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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