Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
