his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Randomize