I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
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