I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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