Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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