because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Randomize
