Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
