wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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