I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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