No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize