Whats the glycemic index on semen?
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
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