U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
My penis needs a shock collar
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
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