You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
