or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
