forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
