i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
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