a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
