So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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