I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
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