his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Ladies don't puke and tell
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
