i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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