Well apparently he's into motor boating.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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