He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
