She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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