I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I believe in your delicious
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
