I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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