girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Randomize
