If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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